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DRUM JOKES
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| Drumming in Heaven An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich." |
| What is your IQ? Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is. "200,000" replies the first guest. "Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics. Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while. Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?" The new guest responds with "250". "Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile. Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name's Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?" This time the guest replies after putting some thought into it "five". "Well, that's great," says Bob, "what kind of drumsticks do you use?" |
| Wedding Band A New York drummer by the name of Joe was out of work and desperately searching for a gig. He went to the union office where they told him about plentiful jobs in Greece. "Greece?, the drummer said. The union representative replied, "Hey, do you want to work or don't you?". So the man packed his bags and headed off to Greece. He was to meet up with an old guy by the name of Tarek at a small pub near the town of Perin. Upon his arrival, he located the pub but Tarek was nowhere to be found. He tracked Tarek down later by phone. He said he needed him for a last minute wedding gig tonight at the Oasis hotel. There would be over 400 guests but unfortunately there wouldn't be time for a rehearsal. Tarek said, "Just show up with your drums and be ready to play." Well, the NY drummer wasn't that nervous. He he had played hundreds of wedding gigs back in New York and he was just happy to have some work. Joe arrived at the hotel on time. The whole band was there except the band leader, Tarek. He set up his drums and patiently awaited for the old guy. Tarek finally arrived 5 minutes before they were supposed to go on. He frantically set up his music stand and raised his arm to lead the band. "Wait!, shouted the NY drummer, what are we playing?" Tarek looked at him calmly (knowing he was a professional drummer) and stated, "Just relax and give me strong backbeats on 7 and 13." |
| At the Pearly Gates St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates to your left. "Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher." "OK, ..through those two gates and to the left ."Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a drummer." "All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen and..." |
| Drummer Walks Into A Library A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi. I'll have a burger, fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds, "Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says, "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke." |
| The Vacation A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when drumming stops." Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming stops?!" The native replied, "Bass solo." |
| Surgery A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer". |
| Brains A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an scientist's brain for $100?". |
| Buddy A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumor that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?" Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up. A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?" "No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone. Ten minutes later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said. She recognized his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone. Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked. Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D., DEAD. Why do you keep calling me to ask for Buddy???!!!!" The horn player replied, .."I just love hearing you say it." |
| $100 Dollars If a hundred dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get to it first? The drummer with bad time of course. The other three don't exist. |
| Real Instruments A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay" |
| Talking Frog A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard.. "Psst! Down here!" She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket. A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?" The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!" |
| Indian Drums Two cowboys were waiting in their bunkers for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." |
| Looking to Buy A man walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?" "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Yeah. How'd you know?" "This is a travel agency." |
| Which Drummer? There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up? The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway. |
| One Liners:
• If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. - Ancient Proverb |
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