Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummer's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: What does a drummer say when he gets to his paying gig?
A: "Do you want fries with that?"

Q: What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a drummer when I grow up?"
A: "Johnny, you can't do both."

Q: Why can't a gorilla play drums?
A: They're too sensitive.

Q: What do you say to a drummer in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."

Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade.

Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: he had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the drums but doesn't.

Q: Why do bands have bass players?
A: To translate for the drummers.

Q: What's the difference between a drummerr and a bag of garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They have a machine to do that now.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a sack of shit?
A: The sack.

Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?
A: The knocking gets slower.

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knocking gets faster.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?

Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in

Q: What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A; They both suck without Cream. 

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart coulda done it. 

Q: How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
A: Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q: Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
A: Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!

Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call a drummer in a Volkswagen?
A: Farfromthinken.

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality.

Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
 
Q: "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

 Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me either.

Q: How do you get a drummer to play quieter?
A: Put a chart in front of him

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Q: What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
A: "Would you like fries with that sir?"
 
 Q: What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start!

Q: Did you hear about the drummer who got accepted to Yale?
A: Neither did I.

Q: Why are drummers always losing their watches?
A: Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: The poster child for Birth Control.

Q: What do you call a bunch of kids with drums?
A: Jerry's Kids.

Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A: Mildly retarded.

Q: What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
A: One will mature and make money.
 
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A: A tatoo.

 Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between a high school drumline and shoes in a dryer?
A: Nothing

Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Q: What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
A: Back up.

 Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Overqualified.

Q: What is the difference between a bad drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

 Q: What's the biggest lie told to a drummer?
A: Hang on a minute and I'll help you with your gear.

Q: What did the drummer say to the band leader?
A: Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?

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